Thursday, February 11, 2010

Snow storm Number 1

Our corner of the world has been blessed with lovely snowfalls this year. I can remember the blizzard of 1993 and 1996, but I think this tops it all. This time though, I live on a street in the "city" instead of way back in the woods. Ok, ok it's not a city, but with the firehall only 2 doors down and a school across the street from us, we didn't really get to feel "snowed in". The snow started falling Friday night and by Saturday we had over a foot of snow. We measured about 14 inches. It was absolutely beautiful. There is something about snow covering everything around, and slowing things down, that is so beautiful.

On Saturday morning, my hubby plowed the driveway and kept piling the snow at one spot. His plan was to build an igloo! It turned into more of a cave dug into the snow. He went into work for a few hours on Saturday morning to help clear snow at jobs and when he came home, we worked on it for a while. He made it soo cozy! It was about 7 feet wide and 9 feet long. We spread out a sleeping bag on the bottom and that kept some of the moisture from coming up through. Then we piled a bunch of blankets on that. Brad had dug a shelf out on either end so we set our lantern and flashlight on them. We got it finished around dark and decided maybe we would try sleeping out there. It was actually pretty warm inside, if you stayed away from the door! After being out there for about an hour we decided our bed would be more comfy so we went inside to sleep. I was sure I would "feel" drips all night from melting snow!

On Sunday we went back out with
hot chocolate and sticky buns and our favorite game...checkers.
We both enjoy playing checkers. There was a game in the cottage we stayed in for part one of our honeymoon and for some reason, we just started playing. Then on our way down to Tennessee for part 2 of our honeymoon, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel for breakfast and bought a checker rug. Now it is our game of choice. Perfect for 2 people.
The igloo is now covered in another foot or 2 of snow. We thought of adding on and expanding it, but decided not to. It was fun while it lasted though!

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Empty Crib

7 months ago, my husband and I thought we would be parents by now. I was due with our first child on February 2. We were so excited, and spent those first few weeks dreaming of how things would be. Tomorrow is February 2. The day I was supposed to become a mother. Yet, in our "spare room", there sits an empty crib.

Today as I sat on the bed, staring at the crib, I let the tears fall. Tears of loss and grief. Tears of shattered dreams. Tears of what could have been. The loss we experienced was repeated a few months later when I lost our second baby. After the second loss, I felt numb. I felt an anger I had never felt before. It scared me. All of my life I had been taught that God is good and everything he does is good. Yet, how can a good God, think it is in my best interest to have us experience not one, but 2 miscarriages? It didn't make any sense to me and is something I still struggle with.

We buried our Baby Grace in our flower bed. A few months later we buried her sister Faith there too. Faith was named by her daddy. I didn't want anything to do with naming this child and it was even hard for me to acknowledge that it happened. Had I been able to erase the physical pain and the endless flow of bright red blood that told me it was over, I would've chosen to ignore the fact that I had even been pregnant again. Time does bring healing in a way, and yet, the pain is so real. Especially now.

Yesterday, my husband held me as I cried out my grief. I told him that for the first time since my 2nd miscarriage, I feel at peace. Peace in knowing that God is in control and will grant us the desires of our heart in HIS time. My Sunday School class is studying the book "Lies Women Believe". Yesterday was a breakthrough for me in realizing the lie I have believed that God is NOT good. Here is an excerpt that I've been clinging too. "We want God to fix all of our problems. God says instead, "I have a purpose for your problems. I want to use your problems to change and to reveal My grace and power to the world. That is the Truth and the Truth WILL set you free."

So yes, there is an empty crib in my house, but I choose to rest in God's plan for it and for My life.